Sunday, October 2, 2016

What are you Standing For?

Yesterday the LDS Church had their start of the annual LDS Conference and one of the talks was asking all members to "stand up" for Joseph Smith and to fight the "erroneous, slanderous and historical errors about him and the Church." I am paraphrasing of course. I am not going to do that. Most of you, who have read my posts about my losing faith in the Church, my life long struggles with it and my finally realizing that the Church is false will see this is not new from me.


I know I have said this before, but Do not Doubt your Doubts. 

Are you standing for what you were taught or for what you know? And there is a difference between knowing because of being taught and told and knowing because of learning/studying for yourself.

Why would want to be apart of a Church that for years has told/taught that if you have questions to go out and learn and research but only Church approved doctrine/subjects?  Some of the most damaging information is found on the Church's own website and in its archives.  Here is a quote:

On Truth and Questioning

"There is a temptation for the writer or the teacher of Church history to want to tell everything, whether it is worthy or faith promoting or not. Some things that are true are not very useful." (Boyd K. Packer, "The Mantle is Far, Far Greater Than the Intellect," CES Symposium on the Doctrine and Covenants and Church History, Aug. 22 1981, Brigham Young University.)

Before you stand for Joseph Smith, heck even the Church, please study the real history and look at how you feel, not what others want you to feel. If you are happy with what you know and don't want to know more that is great. Its fine to feel stable to feel safe. Just don't blindly believe everything that is said over the pulpit, taught in class or published in magazines. 



I look back on my time in the Church, with the constant struggle of wanting to fit in, to be what I thought a man should be and what a woman would want. I was constantly conflicted with who I was. I hated myself. I had guilt, shame and felt spiritually empty. I was told that i needed to live better, to pray more, to have faith, to pay tithing, go to the temple, be more focused on service and accepting callings, to read the Scriptures more.  I tried. I did all of that and what did it get me. Nothing. None of the promises/promptings from the leaders ever panned out. I heard from Bishops that if I do these things, i would find the one to marry with in whatever time period they said, some said 6 months, some said a year.  But of course, if it did not happen it was because I had no faith and was not doing what i was supposed to. 

 I look back on that and following what i was told made me miss out on a lot of what i am experiencing now.  And of course most people will swing it around and say, " YOU would have never met Liz and had McKinley", if you did not have those trials and tests. And Yes  I am truly blessed with having them in my life. I would not be who I am today without them, but I am not going to say it was inspired by God or because of past trials. It was just the perfect time for US.  

My decision to no longer be a member is not really hard on Liz. She sees that I am happier. We do not fight / argue at all anymore, sure we have disagreements, but they don't bring down our relationship as when we argued about Church. 



Recently, I have had a few people try to convince me to come back to Church. To become a beacon in the ward, because they know I have so much to give. I am sorry, but that is not going to happen. I have been clear on my thoughts, actions, posts on here, Instagram and when I was on Facebook.  I know they mean well, but I can only be nice so long until I have had enough. 

Quote of the Day:

"Religion is run by thought police. 'Obey. Listen. This is what you do. Don't ask questions."

- Tommy Chong -


Video of the Day:

True Colors -Justin Timberlak and Anna Kendrick

I just like this version of the song.





Saturday, August 20, 2016

Time to Remove




I have been going back and forth on this for a while now. But I think its time that I send in my resignation to the Church and remove my name from the Records.

People have told me that I should not worry about it since I am not active anyway, don't pay tithing (which i hardly ever did ), and have not worn the G's for years.  I know to some people they would just let it go and not worry about it.

But to me its more than just a membership #. Its a chance to tell the Church to F' Off when it comes to being in any sort of control over me, that they can't use my # as a stat for their tax exempt status, or to pad their stats on membership totals.

It will also help me clearly break away from my feelings about the Church. It will be the final straw of my sometimes negative words about it. Once my name is removed, the years of what I was taught will be removed from my mind, heart and soul and I will truly be able to worship in anyway that I want without the Church creeping in.



People have asked me what I believe. I believe in God. I believe in Hell. I believe that we are all accountable for our lives and how we live them. Just because you might smoke, had pre-marital sex, have sex while not married, are gay, bi, trans-gendered, drink alcohol, smoke pot, or are of a different religion does not mean you will never get back to Heaven. There is not just one true Church. I have never felt that God plays favorites and I for sure have never felt that he will keep families apart just because tithing was not paid,did not attend the Temple or were not active or for some other RULE that was not followed. Rules are different than Commandments. The 10 Commandments should be the standard of what the Church should follow, not amendments/rules the Church enforces and takes from what the handbook says that was written by leaders and their prejudices and own feelings.



Quote of the Day:

“I came to the conclusion long ago that all religions were true and that also that all had some error in them, and while I hold by my own religion, I should hold other religions as dear as Hinduism. So we can only pray, if we were Hindus, not that a Christian should become a Hindu; but our innermost prayer should be that a Hindu should become a better Hindu, a Muslim a better Muslim, and a Christian a better Christian.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

Video of the Day: "Thy Will"  Hilary Scott ( Lady Antebellum )

I think its just a beautiful song.



Monday, July 4, 2016

Changing Taught History to keep up with Internet Knowledge......


Over the past few months a few of my blog posts have made people write me some not so nice emails. To tell me that I was ANTI, I was letting the Devil overtake me and so on.

All I have tried to do and will continue to do is to post things that are coming directly from the Church, that most members will not read or research. Have any of you truly read the Essays that have came out the past few years, that have changed much of the LEARNED and TAUGHT history we grew up with? I doubt it.  

I have said this before and I will continue to say it, " The Church is changing what we have been taught for years slowly but surely with these Essays and adding them into the new manuals where in the next generation our kids won't know what we were taught or it will be a more cleaned up version." Find some of the old manuals and compare them to the newer ones being issued. 

Here is a link to an article on a talk given by Russel M. Nelson about the Book of Mormon.


What i find particularly galling is that the Church now wants us to believe that there were other civilizations living in the Americas at the time of the Nephites, but as we learned growing up, it was never that. The land was the Land of Lehi's inheritance, the promised land, a land flowing with milk and honey, a land which had been kept from the knowledge of men and preserved solely for Lehi and his posterity! In fact, that's still canonized:

And behold, it is the wisdom that this land should be kept as yet from the knowledge of other nations; for behold, many nations would overrun the land, that there would be no place for an inheritance. 
( 2 Nephi 1:8 )

But now Nelson says "It is not a record of all former inhabitants of the Western Hemisphere, but only a particular groups people"

So, LDS Church which will it be? Canonized scripture, or the word of a current Propet, see and revelator? In 40 to 50 years time will Nelson have been just " speaking as a man"? As you said with Brigham Young about his blacks in the Priesthood inspirational talk in the 1800's and how it would never happen.

Funny how the banning of Polygamy happened the same year Utah became a State. You had to do that to become a State and to be allowed in the Union. And how about in 1978 when "miraculous" revelation allowed Blacks in the Preisthood, when you were days away from getting your Tax Exempt Status revoked by the US. Govt if you did not comply.  So many things are revealed as revelation and changed when things are about to hit the fan.



There is so much more to the falseness of the B of M. There are many books that are almost exactly word for word or phrased the exact same with similar scenarios that came out years earlier than the B of M. And i am sure you can find apologists from the LDS side to dissuade those books. But the proof is in the pudding. The Church is crumbling.  People are starting to see what it really is ( A Business ) hiding behind a Religion. 

Here is one book you should look up and compare it to the Book of Mormon and it was written before the B of M.

Its called  The Late War between the United State and Great Britain. Enjoy.


Quote of the Day: 

"Religion gives you a sense of certainty. It makes you feel that you have the right answers to really big questions and that you've grasped the truth." - James Heckman

Song of the Day:

Saturday, May 21, 2016

I can't do it anymore


My religious/spiritual journey has been a long one. Its been filled with guilt, anger, hostility and searching. But the past few months have shown me that there is no room in my life for any organized religion. I just can't see any happiness or life building worth on being led by leaders who's interests are fleeting at best for the well being of myself and others because they are only concerned about their celebrity  and the awe and love they blindly get from members.

I am tired of "Laws" being passed in our Gov't to appease ones religious groups standards or moral compass. Little by little our rights are being taken away because someone got offended by this or that.  Each person has the right to believe, act, say, watch, and do anyway they want. They should not feel pigeonholed to fit into what others want or feel. Each person has their own moral compass of what is right and wrong for themselves.



To me there is more to "spirituality" than a Religion. There is more ways to worship God or feel worthy of Heaven than how much tithing you pay, if you accept callings or going to countless meetings. 

The LDS Church preaches family togetherness, but what do they do? They keep families apart during the week. With meetings, young men/young women activities, callings that take up family time, cleaning the buildings. That is not family togetherness.  But to the Church it is if the families wholeheartedly believe in every single thing that is spewed from the pulpits and the magazines.

 I feel that sometimes people put that above everything else. They will leave jobs, get divorced, make extreme sacrifices to move on up the supposed ladder to Heaven and their standings in the Church. 



There is not one TRUE religion. 

Quote of the Day:

" Almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so." - Robert A. Heinlein

Video of the Day:  * warning to lds/mormon readers. This may offend you *

Trash: ( Tyler Glenn ) Neon Trees


Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Can't or Won't Answer / I won't let you Leave



Can't or Won't Answer

I have always tried to have an open mind and if I did not know something, I would go and find the answer. I love to know how things work, were developed, why they were developed.  That has been one of my biggest struggles my whole life with the Church.  I have had questions and concerns and like most of you who have left, asked questions and was met with either a " I can't answer that" or a flat out "Won't discuss those things, they are meant to be revealed a later date".

The Church does not want you to question. As they have said, "Doubt your Doubts". Why would they want you to doubt your feelings? What are they afraid of?  Some of you think I am listening or have been corrupted by Anti-mormon friends, websites or literature. 

If this is the case than LDS(.org) is the largest anti-Mormon website on the net. Almost all of the concerns former members have, have been cited and verified through the church's own official resources. Take the "CES letter" for example, when the author Jeremy Runnells wrote the letter he utilized the church's own resources to cite his concerns. He then has asked the church two questions only, "(1) If the letter is incorrect, please explain how so it can be corrected. (2) If it isn't incorrect, why am I being charged with apostasy?" His apostasy charges were still applied. Yet, his counsel refused to answer either question. 

Ironically, current Mormons are now the ones using "unofficial" sources for apologetics to attempt to answer the concerns. The church has yet to respond to our concerns with anything other than blame towards anyone who is vocally questioning in the form of disciplinary counsel.  


The CES Letter is a must read for anyone. Member and Non Member. The Church has not given any answers to Jeremy's concerns. 


I Won't let you Leave

A few weeks ago Jeff Holland spoke in Tempe, Arizona. He admonished anyone who QUESTIONS, who has doubts. He also said that HE WILL NOT LET YOU LEAVE.  He compared the Church to a boat and that to jump ship was the DUMBEST thing you could do.  His tone and his candor were ratcheted up a bit more to in my opinion instill Fear of anyone who was in the audience who was doubting.  

I feel like such a dupe for trying to pattern my life to the mold they present and want everyone of us to conform to.  I always had a in the back of my head respect for the leaders of the Church. No more. Why would you let 15 Men tell you how to live? Why do they have that big influence over you and your emotions?

Jeff Holland has no control over me. He can't stop people from leaving. He is helping more people leave by spewing this crap. Thank you Jeff for making my decision that much more easy.


Quote of the Day:

"The key to wisdom is this - constant and frequent questioning, for by doubting we are led to question and by questioning we arrive at the truth" - Peter Abelard

Video of the Day:

I was going to put the new video by Tyler Glenn ( Neon Trees lead singer ) called Trash.  But I decided not to add more fuel to the fire. I am sure you have heard about it or seen it.  To me its a great expression of anger and how he is feeling with his current belief in the Church and how the new handbook policies have affected him and others in the Church.  

So instead I will share his interview:









Sunday, April 3, 2016

Progress and Happiness

This Barn is placed facing a Cemetery in Idaho. What a great thing to see on the way out. I wonder how many smiles and how much comfort that has brought to families that are in mourning from burying their loved ones. 

Lately on Instagram I have gotten a ton of direct messages asking me to become a Coach and or join Workout systems and self help programs.  I am happy that they thought of me. But I am not looking to pay anyone for help in my life changing journey.  I know what needs to be done. I am slowly progressing to the person I want to be in my marriage, personal, spiritual, employment life.

One thing Liz and I like to talk about is that we are not the normal married couple. We don’t feel that we need to keep up with the Jones’s.  And that could be because we have constantly been at the low end poverty line for years. We just have adjusted to not needing much. Me more than Liz for sure. We have lost our possessions more than once and have moved more than we should have, but we have never felt lost together. I have no problem on just moving somewhere at a whim. I am trying to be better at having a more level head when it comes to those decisions.

 We have had our struggles as all couples do. Most of you know that we were separated for close to 9 months. That was from me being selfish and going out and trying to gain some acceptance and feeling some gratitude for what I was doing and not getting at home.  It was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. But I am better for it.  

You also know my stance on the Church and my spiritual journey. Getting away from the constant guilt that the Church places on you, be it subtle or in your face, has lifted such a burden that I carried on my shoulders and in my mind. I don’t feel any anxiety or fear for my eternal soul.  I am free. I am open. I am me. Take it or leave it.  I know in my heart that God loves me no matter what and does not pick and choose over petty things who gets into heaven. The 10 Commandments are his original constitution, the Church just added ammendments and Articles of Faith.

I have spent to many years living life day to day. I am starting to see what Life should be and I am meeting new and interesting people daily.  I talk to them on the bus, on instagram,  on their blogs.  Life is meant to be lived and I have waited to long to live it.  And yes, the health of Liz is a big hurdle to do what we can and want to do. But we are making it work. We are trying to minimize our life even more to be able to do what we want. We don’t want to be stuck in one place and get into a cemented routine.  Most of you are great examples to us on how to live life and what enjoyment is. We appreciate you all.

I hope that you take the time to look at your life and see what changes you would like to make. It can be something small or something big. It could take one time or many tries.  Continuing to grow, learn and develop is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and others.

Quote of the Day:

“Work hard for what you want because it won't come to you without a fight. You have to be strong and courageous and know that you can do anything you put your mind to. If somebody puts you down or criticizes you, just keep on believing in yourself and turn it into something positive.” - Leah LaBelle

Video of the Day:

Titanium - Boyce Avenue




Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Where do we go from here???

I know most of you will not believe. That is OK.  Over the past few years I have had the chance to see what some may call Ghosts, shadow people.



I have always believed in spirits. I guess it goes back to childhood watching Halloween cartoons. My favorite still is the Headless Horseman.

 Something always struck me about the afterlife. I was never afraid of it. I have experienced death in many ways. I have seen accidents where people have died. I have been in rooms when I was CNA when some passed.  I have seen patients die in other rooms while sitting with Liz in hers.   I know that this is not the end.

Some of you know about the experience we had in Coeur D’Lane, Idaho. Liz and I both woke up at the same time and could feel a presence. I opened my eyes and saw a big black shadow at the foot of our bed with red eyes staring at us. Liz did not want to open her eyes.  It stayed for a few more seconds and than was gone.  We never saw or felt it again.

This is what I saw. Just at the foot of our bed, not on the side. 
                             
We currently live in my Great Grandparents old house. From the first week we moved in we have seen shadow person (s).  One night Liz and I were in the front room watching TV and we both saw a shadow poke its head out from the kitchen and back in. We both looked at each other and said did you see that.  It is always in the kitchen area where I see it. I have never seen it in any other room.  McKinley has told us about great grandma and how she protects her in her room. She says lives in her closet.  McKinley says she is very nice.   Liz recently has seen a taller shadow person who has tapped her on the shoulder a few times and whispered to her, she says its a man.   I have not seen him yet.  We do not have any sense that these are scary or that we should be fearful, like the one in Idaho.

I do know that our eyes and mind are not playing tricks on us.  I love knowing that OUR loved ones are around us at all times. Just because they are gone, does not mean that they are really gone.

Quote of the Day:





Video the Day: