Sunday, December 22, 2013

What do you want me to say????????

These past few weeks have really been eye opening to me in a lot of ways.

 Its the holiday season, so I get to see the good, bad and the ugly of society, people and the world.  The hardest part for me right now is the mentioning of God or Jesus. Its not that I do not believe in them, its just that right now its hard for me to feel anything but disgust when it comes to seeing things happen in the world and to people I love and care about and nothing good comes of it, when there is supposedly a God and his Son who care so much about us that they will never let anyone who truly needs their help down. But it seems to happen all the time, and more than it should in my opinion.

Most of you know that I have decided that being active in the LDS Church is no longer a priority. Hell it has never honestly been a priority. But I went and put on the painted on happy face that most LDS Church attendees wear. 

I went to Church today. I went because its Christmas and I wanted to go with Liz and McKinley and hear some good Christmas music.  I went with an open mind and heart and wanted to feel some happiness from attending and getting some feeling of the holiday season and it did not happen. It was boring to me.  I just felt that I would have been much better off staying home and watching any Christmas movie and getting more meaning out of it and feeling some emotion. The testimonies were the basic generic ones that are pounded into the heads of the youth growing up with a little sprinkling of their own words and thoughts.

  I made up my mind today that I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE.

I can't continue to go to a Church that I do not agree with.  I don't agree with its Foundation, its history, and its leadership.

 The Church right now is coming out with these ESSAYS to help answer questions about some of the history of the Church, its Teachings, and other things.  These Essays are doing nothing but adding more fuel to the fire. They are contradicting old rules and teachings from the past and bold face lying about others.

My main problems that have lead to me to where I am today in my standing outside of the Church are these:

1. Joseph Smith's First Vision:  There are a reported 4-5 Different Versions, but may be as many as 10. 
The official version of the FIRST VISION by Joseph Smith, fashioned in 1838, nearly 20 years after the event, was unknown to church members until published in 1842.
2. Joseph Smith and his many wives. He was not just married to Emma. And Emma did not approve of him being married to others. The Church does not disclose all of them and if you really delve into this, you will be pretty shocked at what you find.
3. How Joseph Smith Really Translated the Book of Mormon.
This picture is how the Church History Teaches and what we are taught growing up in the Church. This is not how he translated it.

This is the Real way he Translated it.
Emma Hale Smith, Joseph's wife, was the first person to serve as his scribe. Here is her testimony as recounted to her son Joseph Smith III:
"In writing for your father I frequently wrote day after day, often sitting at the table close by him, he sitting with his face buried in his hat, with the stone in it, and dictating hour after hour with nothing between us."

David Whitmer was one of the Three Witnesses of the Book of Mormon. The majority of the translation work took place in the Whitmer home.
"I will now give you a description of the manner in which the Book of Mormon was translated. Joseph Smith would put the seer stone into a hat, and put his face in the hat, drawing it closely around his face to exclude the light; and in the darkness the spiritual light would shine. A piece of something resembling parchment would appear, and on that appeared the writing. One character at a time would appear, and under it was the interpretation in English. Brother Joseph would read off the English to Oliver Cowdery, who was his principal scribe, and when it was written down and repeated to Brother Joseph to see if it was correct, then it would disappear, and another character with the interpretation would appear. Thus the Book of Mormon was translated by the gift and power of God, and not by any power of man."
"I, as well as all of my father's family, Smith's wife, Oliver Cowdery and Martin Harris, were present during the translation... . He [Joseph Smith] did not use the plates in translation"
Those are just the top 3 that I have major problems with. Some of the others are the Church Mall aka: City Creek Center, Treatment of Gays, Treatment of Women, and countless others.
I am not writing this to hurt any of you, or guide you one way or the other. I am doing this for ME, to Share what I have learned. As I have said, This is MY writings, thoughts and words. If you disagree that is fine. But I do not take this lightly. I research, study and make up my own mind on things.

Monday, November 25, 2013

As the NKOTB say: Hangin' Tough

Today was sort of rough. Had a lot of thoughts running through my mind. Emotionally weak was another part of my day. I cried a few times. Just felt the need to. Hate feeling this way. Struggled with my little girl today. She was a Tasmanian devil today. Worked my last nerve until just a half hour ago. I hope she stays in bed the rest of the night. Days like today suck. They are few and far between each other, but when they come, they come full force.

Quotes of the Day:

“ Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief/sorrow that develops the powers of the mind” - Marcel Proust

“ Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength” - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Video of the Day:

Above the Timberline: Five for Fighting

Friday, November 22, 2013

Letter to Editor

I wrote a letter to Editor for the Opinion page to the Herald Journal. It was published today.

Here is the letter.

To the editor,

Over the past few weeks I have noticed that people are constantly trying to push their beliefs on others, be it complaints about the alcohol amendment in Hyde Park, or complaining about Oasis Books selling books that are not all LDS or match up with the supposed standards or teachings of the LDS Church.

The main thing that is irritating with all of this is that we are allowing the wants of the few to out weigh the needs of the many.
I have no problem with alcohol being sold at the Hyde Park Maverik. Most of the things being said were way off base about what it would mean to the city and how it would affect everyone in a negative way. They are not looking at the big picture in ways of seeing that the amount of taxes taken in by Hyde Park from just these sales alone will help the city in being able to afford to beautify the city and to be able to pay for things without asking for a take hike or extra fees. Just because you don’t drink or agree with it, does not make it right to force how you are on someone else. I couldn’t care less either way. I don’t drink, but I am not going to condemn someone who does.
And with Oasis Books selling literature not in tune with the LDS Church, big deal. I for one am glad that they have an open mind and sell what they deem acceptable in their eyes and for what others have asked for. They would not sell it, if it was not wanted. It’s great knowing that people want to know and learn about other religions and other ways to be spiritual outside of the what is the norm here in Cache Valley, Utah.
To believe in something because someone tells you to is the height of stupidity. We are given senses to receive our information from within. With our own eyes we see, and with our own skin we feel. Without our own intelligence, it is intended that we understand without knowing or feeling what we want to understand. Each person must put together their own life and knowledge puzzle for him or herself and not let outside influences dictate what and why they believe the way they do.
Jon Marshall
Hyde Park

I have lots of problems with people trying to dictate and force beliefs on others. I could care less who drinks and who reads literature that is not of the normal religious fare around here. It is their life, not ours to decide what they should do.

Quote of the Day:

" The only freedom which deserves the name, is that of pursuing our own good in our own way, so long as we do not attempt to deprive others of theirs, or impede their efforts to obtain it."
- John Stuart Mill-

Video of the Day:

Stand Up: Five for Fighting


Thursday, November 21, 2013

More Testing

Tonight I have to go in for a Sleep Apnea test. I have to do this since a new law went into effect that any body that drives professionally and is over a certain BMI ( Body Mass Index ) must have this test since people with Sleep Apnea are more than 70% more likely to be involved in an accident. The good thing is I do not have any of the warning signs and the 4 page form full of questions that narrow it down further I answered with NO or Never, so that is good as well.  I have had 3 physicals in the past year for various jobs and have a clean bill of health besides my weight. All of the Dr's who have seen my test results laugh and just can't believe that I do not have anything wrong besides a little above normal blood pressure.  I am a big guy. But I have also kept up my strength. I am strong, just a chunky, or as I say HEALTHY :)  I am pretty sure I do not have Sleep Apnea, but if I do, than its a hurdle I will over-come.

Quotes of the Day:

" Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that creates sorrow. Let reality be reality.  Let things flow naturally forward in what ever they like " -Lao Tzu-

" Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self respect leads to self discipline.  When you have both firmly under your belt, that's real power " - Clint Eastwood -

Video of the Day:

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Quotes and Videos

Today I have been reflecting on lots of things. Music and reading inspirational quotes help me focus on who, what, where, why and my wants and needs.  I love having other avenues of spirituality besides the main big one that I grew up with. 


"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity." - Albert Einstein -

" To believe in God or in a guiding force because someone tells you to is the height of stupidity. We are given senses to receive our information from within. With our own eyes we see, and with our own skin we feel. With out intelligence, its is intended that we understand. But each person must puzzle it out for himself or herself ." - Sophy Burnham -

" Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life. "
- Joan Lunden -


What If: Five for Fighting

I love this video. Five for Fighting is one of my favorite bands. Great singer and always great words in his music.

Berzerk: Eminem

 Love Slim Shady ( EMINEM ).  His new album is one of the best rap / any type of music ever.  He is the best rapper. Plus how can you hate the great remix of old classic songs into this song. Plus the homage to Beastie Boys.


Monday, November 18, 2013

What i see while driving..............

Driving the city bus around Logan I get to see and experience lots of things on a daily basis. One thing that is always eye opening to me is what kids wear now a days. Since when is it hip or in style to wear skin tight clothes, ( all skinny jeans are ugly on both sexes) Just so you know, and clothes that are not the right fit for their bodies.  I am a big guy and I make sure I am not showing all of my excess padding to the world. That is why I ordered bigger shirts, so when I had to bend down, there was not a full moon over Mihami showing to the world.

And what is up with the see through spanx or however you spell that. I see many girls wearing these with nothing on underneath. And some of them leave literally nothing to the imagination. And sometimes the sunlight makes it way worse. I mean McKinley will have to shoot me to ever allow her to wear those type of clothes.

I hate how the kids nowadays think they have to be like their idols and show their bodies when they do not have to and would be much more beautiful covered up.

Some other things from the bus:

1. Crazy stories I get to hear daily.
2. People who don't know how to use a cross walk.
3. People / Drivers who think my bus can stop on a dime. I mean airbrakes are great, but I am going to protect myself and the passengers before I worry about hitting your car if it comes down to it.
4. The smelliest people sit in the back of the bus right by the air intake so all the smells come right up to me since its a circulating fan.
5. People who think we are taxis and even though they are not by a stop expect us to stop.

The fun life of a bus driver.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

What to Talk About Today

I am not sure if there is anything really that is worthwhile to talk about. I am not sure what I want this blog to be anymore.  I don't want to start a blog of constant hate or bad feelings towards the LDS Church. I don't want it to be such a negative area of vents and frustrations. I am still working my way through this big pile of shit that I have been in for a while.  I don't know if I have even had any good views or points in my past blog posts.

 All I do know is that this helps me. Its helps me clear my mind, its gives me a pathway to where I want to go and where I have been.  I am planning on starting fresh and delving into subjects that interest me. Some to you may be far-fetched ideas. Some you will agree with. Some you won't. Some might make you think I am crazy for thinking that. Some might make you think, I am not the only one who thinks or believes that way.

I love being creative. I have always enjoyed art, photography, writing and telling stories. The only things my hands are good for are writing/typing, drawing and holding the camera still. I have another blog with my Photography and Art work: PinkMoosePhotography .

This Blog is going to be my writings. I know I am not going to be the next Jack London or C.S. Lewis, but I love to create stories in my head and make them up at night when I tell my little girl bed time stories.  

There will be times that I write stories, rant about things in the news, my life, and other times I will just add links or quotes for the day.  I will try to do something everyday. My goal is to write something everyday on here. We will see how that goes.

Comments are always welcomed.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Ummm... Thanks

It is now November. Its the month of giving Thanks and the start to the fun holiday season.

Normally when people say they are “Thankful” they talk about their spiritual side of things and how thankful they are for church or god and what blessings he has bestowed and granted on them.

I don’t need that. Its hard for me to even hear any mention of God or any sort of religious talk or under-tones. I have a real hard time believing in a being that I in my life has had no interaction with on nothing more than just a superficial level. To me things that happened after i prayed were just an everyday coincidence, they were not answers. If you really wish it / have faith in what you need, your mind will create the reaction you are hoping for.

As most of you know and read on my past posts ( now erased, my mistake ), i have had a life long struggle with being a member of the LDS Church. I tried to fit in, to follow the herd and to be part of something that I have questioned since i was younger. Do i feel bad or have any concerns about when i die about not being able to see my loved ones again? NO. I will see them again. And i do believe that. 

To me just taking a step back to research and really looking at how i was living and who i was trying to be helped a lot. Seeing some of the things the Church was involved in made it even easier.

So this years up-coming holidays are actually more exciting for me. I am relaxed. I am happy. I am seeing this holiday in all aspects other than Jesus’s birthday. I love this time of year, i get to see people i love and care about.

I can’t wait to watch football, home-made rolls, the pies, the turkey, stuffing, Liz’s Sweet Potato/Yam casa-role, egg nog, playing with McKinley in the snow, Hardware Ranch trip, McKinley visit to Santa, christmas concerts, holiday parties.

I am thankful for everyone of you who are still friends and family after all of these years.

Quote(s) of the Day:

“I don’t object to the concept of a deity, but I’m baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance and asks for 10% of your income”- Anonymous

“Everyone should be allowed to worship according to his own inclinations”- Flavius Josephus

Video of the Day:

ROAR : Katy Perry

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Story #1

I love this time of year. Fall colors, snow starting to fall, and Halloween. I am going to share some stories and incidents that happened to me that are creepy, and a little scary over the next few weeks. These did happen and some of you who read this were there as well.

* Strange Things Happen in the Wilderness* & * Old man Herzog *

This incident happened while i was camping with my scout troop up Green Canyon just above North Logan. Our Scout leader Scott E. was always full of stories about the woods and would always tell us around the campfire that “Strange things happen in the wilderness”, and we would laugh and ignore it and make it an inside joke the rest of the camping time when something strange happened or weird sounds were heard.  

Well we were sitting around the campfire and we asked him if he had any new stories and he asked if we have ever heard of Old Man Herzog. We all said NO, and he started out by telling us that Old Man Herzog used to live in Hyde Park and was an older gentleman who was sort of a hermit. I can’t remember what year he told us, but he said that one weekend that Old Man Herzog was invited to the wards Father and Son camp-out above Hyde Park. He was social and seemed to enjoy everyones company, but sometime during the night he was seen walking away up the Canyon away from the Group Camp and was not seen again. He said that they sent out search parties and did not find a thing. But years later people started seeing or catching glimpses of an older man in and around the foothills above Hyde Park and North Logan. They said he was really nice, but seemed to vanish as soon as he walked by. We all enjoyed the story.

We played games, ate, and went for a night hike and then came back and played Steal the Flag. Now the area we were camping at is at the Top of Green Canyon and the dirt road ends. There are no other areas to camp and an old lumber road was gated shut and looked like it was not traveled on for years. So we were playing Steal the Flag and we were having a fun time. I was hiding with my friend Bill and Brett when we caught a glimpse of something white coming down the hill through the trees across the road coming in our direction, and then an older man emerged and walked up the road in front of us, stopped and said “ Hi, how are you doing Guys” and kept walking and then crossed the road up the other hill side and was gone. We just sat there and were like, first off how did he see us, we were being quiet, especially after we saw him coming down the hill, and then it was dark and we were behind a big bush and the moon was not fully out, and then when he went up the other hill with no trail, flashlight or anything, that is when we ran back to tell our leader. We got back to camp and told Scott and he just looked at us and said “I told you, Strange things happen in the wilderness”. We all freak-ed out for a bit.

Do i believe we saw Old Man Herzog? Not sure. Was it strange to have an older man walking with no flashlight, headlamp, or any sort of camping gear in the middle of the night with no other campers around us? YES. Are there other stories and strange going ons in Green Canyon? YES.


Wednesday, September 18, 2013

My Rants

The other night I went to bed with lots of thoughts and opinions on what i heard in the news that day. I think Liz is tired of my rants, so i am just going to do some weekly rants or raves on here.

*National news*

One of the main ones was where and the hell is this country going? Why are we every other countries baby sitter? Why worry about a little place like Syria? We have so much more going on here that needs attention from Obama. I am not a fan of Obama. I did not vote for him, but i expect my President to actually look out for us here in America. I voted for Romney, but i was not really keen on him and his flip flopping on his stances on a lot of issues. Do i think we would be better off with Romney? YES. But i have to support who we have in office, but it is so damn hard to be behind someone who hears from a Nation about his policies and he still does what he wants, and pretty much says F’Off to the average American.

I could care less about Syria. Its not a problem we should be involved in. If we do get involved, its going to cause other countries to start backing up Syria, and in my opinion start a domino affect that will not be good for America. I hate feeling that we are in a Country that cares more about what goes on in a Terrorist Rich country than our own, that if we go there, it will cause Terrorism to come here more and more. There were already demonstrations here in the USA after they were talking about sending in troops to Syria.

Zimmerman / Martin: Thank goodness this is over. Zimmerman should not have ever been tried. But of course once the President got involved, he had to go to Court.

*Local news*

Slack-Line Death: A guy riding a bike down Aggie Hill at a high rate of speed, went through an area where some people were slack-lining and garroted himself and broke his neck when he hit a slack-line. I think it was the fault of both the biker and slack-liners. I have done slack-line before in Park City and we always had the line at or below knee height. The one on Aggie Hill was chest high. To me that is way to high. They must have been doing flips and tricks on it to be that high. The biker should not have been riding that fast and from witnesses reports he was going way fast, and did not stop in time when he was yelled at and warned about the slack line.

Lets Follow the Deer: There was a nice sized buck that had to be put down last week in North Logan because it was wounded from being shot by an Arrow that did not kill it and it got the wounds infected with maggots and was slowly dying. There have been articles in the Paper about the big bucks in and around Hyde Park, and North Logan. My parents have had the bucks in their back yard and they are beautiful. My friend has had hunters sit right on the border of his property in Hyde Park and watch the deer in his yard or his neighbors yards just to get a shot at the Deer. There is so much crap going on with these so called hunters telling others they would do anything to get those Bucks that the cops are now monitoring the deer herds and watching the watchers. Just irritates me that people are so insensitive and callous to the safety and welfare of the public and doing things legally.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Come on Back

Its been a fun, hectic time in my life the past few weeks. As most of you know. Liz and McKinley and I are back together. Also i have started working my new job of driving the city bus for Logan City with the CVTD/LTD. I love it. Its been fun. And i got some other things in the works job wise as well.

I am not sure if i am in rut of really wanting to open up or not. I do have so much to say. But I am back in a mind set of not saying things in fear that it might upset people. Might make things bad for people in my life or offend people in my life. I know i have said before that i do not care and i was going to just be me, but its hard. I feel bad that i erased all of my old posts that i wrote while Liz and I were separated. I guess i erased them so Liz did not read them and so that she would not leave again. She knows i was not harsh against her in anyway, but I just did not want to risk anything.
But Liz has helped me understand that I need to do this. People like what i write. She knows that it helps me, it helps others. It lets me get out my frustrations and whatever other feelings i need to release.

So as i said on my last post: “ These are my opinions. If you get offended, that is on YOU, not me. If YOU don’t like what i write or say, that is YOUR fault. Not mine. If YOU don’t like it, don’t read it. I am not going to debate YOU on here. If YOU want to talk about it, email me or call me”

The first place i am going to start is with Liz and McKinley. It has been so great having them back. I am so happy. Feel so alive with them back. While they were gone and we were separated i was down, trying to float in an un-salted sea. It was hard. I tried to put on a great face. But i was hating being apart from them. My best days were when i got to talk to them. Sure, some days Liz and I were snippy at each other, but what relationship has ever not had times like those.

Liz has even said she wish she did not leave how, and when she did. It was an abrupt decision that affected both of our lives. Did it make it worse on us. In a lot of aspects yes, it really did. 

One of the main reasons Liz came back is that she felt it was the right thing to do. Liz has an amazing strength in her faith and in answers to prayers. As most of you who are LDS know, Most decisions are made by fasting, praying, spiritual guidance and following the promptings of the spirit. This decision is what was best for her not only physically and mentally, but also spiritually. There are many great articles and talks in the August 2013 ENSIGN about this specifically.

You also know from my past posts that i am not really keen on the LDS church right now and have not been for a long time, but that i do still believe in God, and that he is there for us. I prayed daily for Liz and McKinley. I wanted them back in my life. I know that he slowly softened Liz’s heart. I would constantly tell her i wanted her back, but it was her decision.

One of the last talks we had before she made the decision to come back, i asked her a question. I asked her take out what I want, what your family wants, what my family wants, and what others want, what do you want? And her answer was for her and McKinley to come back to me and be a family again. That is all that matters to us. It is the best decision for us. Some people are not happy, but as we have been told, that is ON THEM, not us. Its their problem.

Are we still slowly figuring everything out that was misplaced the past 8 months. Yes we are, but what has happened is that we are closer, more in love, and easier to forgive and not as easy to argue. We are starting a new journey together. She is my best friend. She is such a great mother to McKinley and an amazing wife. Even while she is still going through her illnesses and daily struggles she puts on a brave and happy face. She is a true inspiration to me. And McKinley has me wrapped around her fingers even more. She was not used to having a dad around the past 8 months and is starting to remember how her and I interacted before. She is the best. I love her so much. She makes me laugh. She tries our patience for sure, but we would not have it any other way.

Being together again is the best.

Quotes of the Day:

“If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you will never change the outcome”
-Michael Jordan-

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person”
-Mignon McLaughlin-

Song of the Day:

Every Night - Imagine Dragons

Thursday, August 8, 2013

I will write what i Feel

After talking to Liz tonight, I am going to continue my blog and do my usual rant, raves, and whatever else I feel like writing or sharing with my faithful readers. As you know this year has been full of ups and downs and life was really crazy the past few months. I am back to a settling place. I am back with my beautiful wife Liz and have my wonderful amazing daughter McKinley back. 

I am not going to hold back. It is therapeutic for me to write. I enjoy writing.  But as I have said before, I am not going to hold back on  how I say things. If it offends YOU, that is on YOU. I am not going to worry about how YOU will feel or take what I say. I am not going to debate with you. If you want to comment, either comment on here or email me. I would love to hear from you.

- Quote of the Day-

"My Thoughts are my company; I can bring them together, select them, detain them, dismiss them."
       - Walter Landor-

-Video of the Day-

Imagine Dragons- Demons

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

2nd Time Around

As you can see I erased all the months of blogs and am starting over. And why am I doing that?? Because I am finally back in a happy relationship with my beautiful wife Liz and amazing daughter McKinley.  I missed them so much. I spent so many lonely agonizing nights, days, weeks, and months without them. I love them both. It has been hard on all of us.  What has happened can not be changed, all we can do is move forward and continue on our path.   I will continue to post and still do my usual rants and raves about everyday things. But I have my best friend back and my beautiful little girl back in my life.

On the Map with McKinley