Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Overcoming Frustrations

I know we all experience frustration. And we all handle it in different ways. Some of the ways i handle frustration are not good. I get mad, i get upset and i take it out on others or say things that offend people.

Frustration has been a big part of my life the past 2 years with Liz's health and her constant struggle to remain alive. Its hard going to countless medical appointments, ER visits, ICU stays and visits to other states for medical advice and all that they can say is there is nothing they can do, or all her tests came back fine, there is nothing else wrong except her HAE. And the frustration is never about Liz. I am frustrated that she can't get the help she needs and deserves except the few treatments she gets here and there. It is honestly feeling like they are at an ending point for how they want to treat her, the costs are outweighing the gains for them. Sometimes i swear they just do things to appease us and to make themselves feel like they are doing something.

 I feel for her. I feel for Peanut. Liz feels that she can't be the mom she wants to be and that is true. She can't do what the normal moms do. But she does not need to. She is teaching Peanut something much more valuable and that is how to live with a shitty disease. How to face hardships head on and how to do the best you can day by day. Peanut has learned compassion from Liz and I. She has seen me help her mom shower, get dressed, and go places. Peanut constantly says she wants to be a nurse when she gets older and that also is from seeing the ER Nurses and how great they treat Liz and how they have interacted with Peanut while in the ER. They love her. Peanut wants to go to the ER just to visit her friends. 

As a family we have learned compassion, love and giving through our Frustrations. 

It is hard for me overcoming my frustration. I know that most Doctors do not know about her disease and have and will probably not see another case of hers at all the rest of their careers, but i just wish they would listen to us and research on their own. Some have. And they are great. Some just don't listen or care and just assume what they know is right. It took almost a year to get one Doctor to dissociate regular Angioedema with HAE. Whenever he said Angioedema i would say Hereditary Angioedema right after and he would look at me like why are you correcting me. And i would have to remind him that it was not the same thing. 

Frustration is part of our days. I hope and pray that I can not get as frustrated and that I will continue to have compassion for others and give as much as i can.

Quote of the Day:

" Take the high road. No matter how much strife,and consternation, frustration and anger you might be confronted with - don't go to that level "

- Tim Gunn -

Video of the Day:

Titanium - Boyce Avenue

Thursday, November 12, 2015

It's time for a Break

I think its time for a break. I know a lot of others are also taking a break. And the break is not from life, work or anything important. Its a break from Facebook and the interactions on that site that seem to drudge up a lot of ill contempt and meanness. I have had my share of sharing some not so nice comments of trying to get my opinion across to others and all it ends up being is a never ending back and forth display of I'm right and You are wrong. It does not help anyone in the end.  I have hoped that both sides of the conversations could have been thought about and understood, but if it is a subject that objectifies their beliefs in a bad light than there is never going to be any understanding except defensiveness. I am guilty of doing both. 

 So i am going to take a break from offering my opinions. It might even stretch into my daily life. 

Over the years i have been able to open up more and be more opinionated.  I have been told that I have a mouth that Roars. I will not apologize for that. I don't have an off switch and that has been a detriment to me in some situations, and this is something that i will always struggle with.  As i have said before, if i have offended any one of you, i am sorry. I did not mean to. My tactful meter does not register sometimes.

So, i will try my hardest to not comment or state my opinion on the current daily issues. I will hold my tongue when it comes to the Church and issues that are being talked about it. I am going to strive to to the best I can to be more quiet vocally. 

Quote of the Day:

"Sometimes you have to take a half step back to take two forward."
- Vince McMahon -

Video of the Day:

Angel Eyes - Jim Brickman

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Looking Forward

These past few days have helped me realize that i am taking the right steps in my life. I am looking forward to seeing where it takes me, Liz and Peanut. I am looking forward to new adventures, to new viewpoints and meeting new people who can and will inspire me. I am looking forward to continuing to cultivate a more close and romantic relationship with Liz. Life has gotten in the way and its time we reverse that and reconnect. I am no longer going to let each day just tick away. I am going to get up and do things that i have been putting off. Its time to start cultivating my drawing again, to continue my photography, and to start selling prints and calendars.  I want to travel with Liz and Peanut and get out and experience life outside of the home and to help others with health limitations to enjoy nature and the world around us.  Liz's illness has held us back from doing a lot of things, but it has also shown us what we need to do to not feel held back. Its time we start doing that.  I am looking forward to sharing our journey with you, as well as continuing to share my opinion on things that interest and bother me. The upcoming new year is going to be a grand adventure for us.

Quote of the Day:

"Every day is a new day, and you'l never be able to find happiness if you don't move on"

- Carrie Underwood -

Video of the Day:
"It's not Right for You" - The Script

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Adverse Effects

I know I said that I was done talking about my spiritual journey. But this is bugging me. And what is bugging me is the way MY decision has affected Liz’s life and the way she is perceived and treated by others.

I want you all to know that Liz has been nothing but supportive of me and my decision. She does not like it, but she knows me and has seen that I am happier. We don’t fight at all anymore. Our biggest fights were about Church.  I love her more than anything and if I thought for one second my decision had any ill affect on her I would change that. But my decision has not changed her spirituality or the way she lives her life, or the way we are together.   

What it has done is change the way people treat and interact with her.  It is really frustrating to me, because Liz is not that kind of person, she is so loving, caring and compassionate that it hurts her to have this happen. She has not said it, but I can see it on her face.

And that is something that I knew would happen, but was hoping it wouldn’t. But growing up in the Church, I have seen it all too often. One part of a couple leaves the Church and the other spouse is lumped in with that person’s belief and supposed sins and transgressions.  And you can tell me that it’s not true, but I know you have all seen it, have done it or experienced it. I used to be that way. I assumed a lot and treated couples and people who were struggling with or left the Church in a snide way.

I support her in her wanting to attend Church, to teach Peanut the gospel and to continue her love of the Scriptures. I have not hindered her in any way, shape or form her spiritual path.  She is not falling away. She is not following me down a path of despair.  I am on a path of my own. And I am walking this path with my wife and daughter firmly planted in the Church. I guess you would say I am on the outside path of the Iron Rod.  I am not holding tightly because I don’t need to.  I have fallen too much deeper and darker areas in my life that I was afraid I was never going to get away from.  And you know what pulled me up?  God, words of encouragement from friends and family, other religions, my faith and the love of my wife and daughter.

I am asking you all too please take a look and ask before you judge.  That is something we should work on every day.  You never know what another person is going through. 

Quote of the Day:

“A man lets you know who he is by how he treats others.”
Mo Williams

Video of the Day:

-Looking for Space- John Denver

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Same old Story

Same old Story

It’s the same old story. I have received a lot of emails and messages from friends, family and others who feel that my loss of faith in the Church is a direct result of not doubting my doubts. 
Why am I the one who you are worried about?  I am not worried. I know that I when I die, I will be in heaven. Nothing has changed that. I have not murdered anyone. I have not committed some unholy sin that will wind me up in Hell.  I know that Liz, McKinley and I will be an eternal family.  I don’t see God tearing apart families based on what Church they were a part of.

I don’t worry about your spirituality. I don’t worry about your salvation. So please don’t worry about mine. 

What I do worry about and think about daily are how are my friends doing, how their families are, if they are sick and or need help.  I don’t sit back thinking about who is going to baptize their daughter or son, or are they worthy to attend the Temple.

So it’s another week and post of the same old story.

But this week will be the last with this story.  I have talked about this enough. If you have a problem or want to continue to talk, email me at jonathankmarshall@gmail.com

Quote of the Day:

“Of course it's the same old story. Truth usually is the same old story.”
-Margaret Thatcher-

Video of the Day:

(I usually try to match the Video with the blog subject title, but I can’t with this one. So I will post my favorite video right now)

Hello- Adele